To Xfinity and beyond Speechless

Gotta make an exception here, friends. While I typically only post and comment on content that hates on men and dads, I was shocked that one of the country's largest cable and internet providers decided it was a good idea to hate on grandparents this holiday season. Was this supposed to be funny? I didn't laugh. Actually, it made me really emotional. We lost my Opa back in 2007, 2 months before Christmas. We lost my Grandpa Reed just one week before Christmas in 2014. I can't be the only person in my family that feels really sad when I see "Grandpa's chair" in the living room on Christmas Eve, empty.

Xfinity opens up this commercial with grandparents reading tweets from their grandchildren. "Entering the gates of Hell, aka Grandma's house. No shows or wifi". "Going off the grid for a while, pray for me". Damn, kid. You mean to tell me, you haven't been able to get your parents to pay for unlimited data for you yet? And I always thought this was the "entitled" generation. How *do* you function? One set of grandparents, clearly offended and hurt by reading these tweets, decide to get Xfinity by Comcast. (do I even want to address the fact that these 70 yr old+ adults are even on Twitter? Is YOUR grandma on Twitter? Mine isn't)
Considering all of the sets of grandparents were reading from the same phone, I guess we should assume that Comcast provided them with smartphones and had them read what their grand-kids were saying? Like what Jimmy Fallon does for "mean celebrity tweets"? Anyway, they get a crash course by the friendly Comcast installer on how to use Wifi, Netflix, and even the cool voice-activated remote control. The remote is the "XR11", just in case you were wondering. If you don't have it, you ought to upgrade.(Seriously, though).

Soon, the grand-kids are at the front door. Adorned with knitted hats, gloves, scarves (likely made by Grandma), they walk in. The grandfather lights up, and shows them how he can talk into the remote and say "Keep the change, you filthy animal" (which actually MAY be my favorite quote from any movie, considering Home Alone is my favorite movie, followed by a close second, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York), and Home Alone starts playing on the television. The kids are able to communicate with the outside world, since they have wifi. Everyone is happy. Good job, grandparents. You have successfully fed into this generation's insatiable appetite for constant streaming.

How about this, asshole kids(in the commercial)... talk to your grandparents.You can even use more than 140 characters at a time. Talk about what's happening in school, sports, your job. Let them grill you about your love life, even let them get your name wrong a few times: it doesn't mean they love you any less. Watch old family movies or spend time making new memories to record, just get your nose out of your phone! One year at Christmas your grandparents will be gone, and you can watch all of the Netflix that you want. Let me know how Netflix hugs back or shares memories from the Christmas of 44, 78, or 1983.

***I should note, the commercial below is the "long" version that is only available online. I couldn't find the tv edit which is considerably shorter. It left out the teenage girl taking a picture of her grandmother's old black and white picture and posting it to Instagram. Or, using a filter to make her grandma have "no wrinkles". Regardless of Comcast's lame attempt to make this commercial "sentimental", I still found it offensive. Let grandparents do their thing. If they only want to have basic cable, let them. If they think Wifi is a new Chinese take-out place, let them think that.  If they don't know how to work the remote for their shitty Zenith tv from 1992, remind them how to use it. Shield them from the modern technologies that so many of us use and take for granted every day. Why? They are fine without them. Their generation fought in WWII, they gave up stuff to use as scrap metal, they survived the Great Depression. I promise you, if they don't know how to use Snapchat, they will get by just fine. Can OUR generation survive a Christmas without wifi? Let's try.

This was saved as a DRAFT in my Blog....KRAFT is no stranger to hating on men!

First-who brings clients home for dinner? That is just weird. That only happens in movies and apparently, mac and cheese commercials.

Second-I am SO over "smart-ass" kids in commercials. "Dad really messed this one up" (by inviting his client over to dinner without telling Mom).Way to be stereotypical, too, by making the client Asian. How expected.

Mom saves the day, thanks to Kraft Homestyle Mac and Cheese and quick thinking.

Rest ESURED, THIS IS BAD!

This MAY be one of the worst Stupid Man Commercials to date! Congratulations, Esurance! While your peers are busy just implying that men are complete fools, you actually commit to copy by displaying a name plate under "Hank" that reads "out-of-touch Dad". Really? You mean, holding a hose while it slowly (like, usually it takes DAYS to fill up a pool) is being "in touch"? Who would think that? But, just in case some viewers slipped through the cracks, Hank's phone has a clown-like ring tone to Eforce the Effort to make Hank look as dumb as possible. My favorite part is that the neighbor is a black man. Could you imagine if the "out of touch Dad" was a black guy being corrected by a white male neighbor? (GASP!) The irony in the desperate attempt to be politically correct while mocking "Hank" is absolutely fantastic. Yeah, this is bad, real bad, Michael Jackson.

Krafting a Pregnancy Disaster

First, I must apologize for being absent for, well, over a year. Apparently, it's hard to have a full-time job, somewhat of a social life, and still manage to update a blog that you claim to be passionate about, in a reasonable amount of time. My apologies! Lucky for us, there has been a ton of great content in the last few months that we can expose! The gem below was on one of the major networks late last night. The culprit is Kraft Mac & Cheese. This makes me sad for several reasons: 1. I fiercely defend Kraft Mac & Cheese as being "THE" only powdered poison cheese and noodles in a box worth consuming! I have been in (often times, drunken) debates with strangers about the superiority of the contents in that blue box. It's better than the generic. It's better than the organic. It's better than home made (you KNOW it is, too). 2. Actually, I don't have another reason..... So, let's just go ahead and get into this. I'm not sure what's worse, the selfish Dad or the annoying-know-it-all kid. Since when does a 6 year old know what the word "questionable" means? Since when can they even pronounce it? Poor Mom is cooped up, alone and VERY pregnant in bed, while her (lazy and apparently hungry) husband and son relax downstairs. The woman requests some mac and cheese from her husband. She does this via text (which I have got to imagine is just a sign of our times, and not that the house is THAT big). Her husband rushes to the kitchen, opens the coveted blue box, and within moments, is back on the couch with a tv dinner table (what are those tables actually called?), inhaling the cheesy noodles. He failed to bring any up to his wife, who soon calls him out for his selfish and inconsiderate behavior. Damn guy, don't you know NEVER to come between a pregnant woman and her cravings? Stupid man.....

He Went Out For Milk and Came Home With a Puppy...

I have a $256.93 balance on my Discover card. I intend on cancelling my card next month after it's paid off. Why give money to a company that publicly degrades men? This woman asked her husband to pay the bill, and he forgot? Wow-the horror. What a stupid man and horrible husband, right? If that is not bad enough, he came home with a puppy last week instead of a milk run? 

Doesn't that go against EVERY single sitcom and family movie, when the kids find a stray dog and look at their father at the dinner table and ask, "Dad, can we keep him"?

Stupid man-you can't follow directions, you are financially irresponsible, and you don't know the difference between milk and a puppy.

HUGE VICTORY FOR DADS EVERYWHERE!


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-belkin/huggies-pulls-diaper-ads_b_1339074.html

Candy Bar. Really?

Not everyone enjoys eating "fiber", which is why there are countless products on the market that make it as easy as possible. Colorless powders, pills, and powerbars do their best to 'appeal' to the many of us that simply do not get enough fiber. I don't know how many grams of fiber are recommended a day,but I know for a fact I don't get enough. That said...I for SURE know the difference between a candy bar and 'fiber bar'. The stupid man featured in the commercial below apparently does not.

Stupid man...since when are "candy bars" made of granola or grains? I bet his wife has to add chocolate to his milk in order for him to drink it? Why-because all men are like little kids and, well, stupid.

#Winner

Are we not over the whole Charlie Sheen #winning phenomenon yet, people? I mean, really. The following commercial is annoying for the following two reasons:

1. Charlie Sheen #winning (winner) reference
2. the guy featured in this commercial seems like a complete idiot

At a party (who brings Taco Bell to a party, by the way? Haven't you people heard of cheese, wine, potato salad?), one obnoxious man went crazy because he thought he "won" a taco. It's just a "cheesy double-decker taco"...but it's like you are actually getting "two tacos for the price of one". Um, really? I don't order a double cheesburger thinking it was buy one patty and get one free. Stupid man.

Thank you Matthew, (one of the blog's followers), for submitting the link to this commercial.



First-can someone please confirm that this video was uploaded by a certified Windows staff/employee/agency? Here is the description for the video,
"Mom wants the perfect family portrait. But some kid (or husband) always messes it up. So... to the Cloud! Where Windows 7 and Windows Live lets her mix and match her family's best faces until she's able to piece together a photo she's proud to share."

Mom 'wants a perfect family portrait' implies that Dad doesn't give a damn. Why would he though, right? Isn't Dad just one of the kids? Does Dad actually care about how he looks? Dads are lazy and lack style, by definition.

There was nothing that stressed me out more than Picture Day at school. Weeeeeell, I guess the day I learned how to graph parabolas was pretty intimidating, too. What the heck is a parabola, anyway? When I was younger, my Mom would lay out what she thought I ought to wear for the big day. These looks obviously changed over the years. From knitted sweaters and stirrup pants to sundresses with jelly sandals-I always seemed to look horrible. I just did. I remember my second grade picture when my Dad did my hair. Anyone remember those hard plastic headbands? You know, the kind with the 'teeth' that would dig into your scalp? My dad showed me how to do my hair with one of those headbands. "Okay Rachel, push the headband back, then move it forward just a little to give yourself a bit of volume in the front". I hated him for it that day, but I am thankful for it now. Why? Because he cared. He cared how I looked, and he cared how others viewed me. He was NOT the kind of dad that sat on the couch, dumbfounded, like the dad in this commercial...hanging his head in shame.

My dad was not a hair stylist, but he was (is) a cool guy. He sported J.Crew and Structure (now known as Express for Men), when other dads were wearing tapered jeans and super white tennis shoes. I turned to him for fashion advice before I turned to my Mom (even though she's pretty cool, too) or even my friends. My dad was my stylist-for better or for worse. Despite his hard efforts, however, I was always first in line for "re-take" day. Even cool dads can't cure the awkward years of puberty, braces, glasses, and pimples. (sigh...)

I'd like to ask Windows why they were compelled to portray the mom as being computer/technology savvy and the dad as being an immature and indifferent moron. They could have easily made it a collaborative effort with both parents, right? "Honey, I love our family but let's try to create a picture we can send to Grandma this year". Windows decided to group the dad with the kids-one of the boys stuck an action figure in the other's ear,while the daughter was busy texting on her cell phone. Dad is portrayed as being part of the problem in the picture, while mom offers a solution. Copy/cut/paste the perfect family-way to go, mom!

"Windows gives me the family, nature never could", she comments. What does that family look like, Windows?

Stupid Lazy Dad

Oldie but a goodie... As the kids are 'hanging out' in the living room (one is playing with cards, while the other is reading a magazine), their Father addresses them like board members. "well, kids...I signed us up for a better family plan that will save us money so Mom can quit her second job (as a taco mascot)". Wow-Father really knows best, eh? While he did make the decision to move into a better cellular family plan, he obviously does not understand the current plan (because he's an idiot-he's stupid). He probably doesn't even know how to text. Not only is he clueless, he is also lazy. While poor mom is out working her second job as a taco (wtf), dad is busy hanging out with the kids.

Even as a Taco, Mom is still the "responsible" one of the family. Notice how she picked up the mail on the counter, as dad made fun of her, "Hola"...? She picked up the mail because she pays the bills-literally. Dad has no idea where the money of the family goes, what kind of Verizon plan he has, or who his daughter is hanging out with on Saturday nights.

Stupid Dad.

Leggo My Stupid Dad

Dad wakes up before the rest of his family to "make" breakfast, buuuuuuut he doesn't really make anything but a fool of himself. What he DOES do is golf in the kitchen with dishes on the floor, alley-oop ping pong balls into a vase, and just before his hungry family marches down the stairs, he throws some frozen waffles into the toaster.

Oh, but the family loves the Eggo waffles! The Mom, pleased, looks at Dad and asks if he made coffee...

Dad is lazy, unable to cook, and always looking for the easy way out. Frozen waffles.

Exactly-Stupid Men.

Ugh...do I even need to explain this one? Stupid Dad and Stupid Uncle Joe are driving a ride-mower off of a makeshift ramp in the backyard? Why does the mom appear to be like 50 years old and Dad and Uncle Joe sound and look like college seniors? Why? Because all men are apparently immature and stupid.

Stupid Dad Commercial old post

I stopped by my parents house to scrounge around for appliances I still needed, but can't yet bring myself to buy. For example, a coffee maker, power washer, and a leaf-blower (is that the proper name?). I sat down for a bit with my dad to watch 24, a shared favorite, and felt the comforts of "home" once again.

We channel surfed during commercials, only to catch commercials on other networks. Some of these commercials upset my dad. "Oh great", he said, "another commercial that makes Dad look dumb. Stupid Dad, can't you cook? Oh, there goes DAD again, taking the last piece of Little Caesar's Pizza. How greedy is HE!"

I almost always agree with my dad, but RARELY will I let him know this. I argue for the sake of arguing, especially with him. He has a tendency to "preach", like most of us Reeds. This quickly gets annoying. However, I immediately agreed with him on this one-WHY do commercials, regardless of the brand, always tend to make men looks like complete idiots? Even commercials that are directed towards men seem to put'em down. Does that actually sell products?

One of my favorite ones is for Yoplait Light Yogurt. You know, the "Boston Creme Pie, Apple Turnover diet". The woman is on the phone with a girlfriend talking about how she lost ALL this weight eating Strawberry Cheesecake and Key lime Pie. Meanwhile, you can see her boyfriend/husband frantically scanning the open fridge, pushing food aside and looking dumbfounded. Where is the Boston Creme Pie!!!!! Psh, STUPID man...your wife lost all her weight by eating Yoplait Light Yogurt-H-E-L-L-O!

I have a few issues with this. Forgive me if my philosophy of gender classes come out a bit. It bothers me that the man does not know what is/is not in the fridge. We can assume he is clueless because he never helps his wife/girlfriend shop. Shouldn't be know that there isn't any Apple Turnovers or Key lime Pie in the fridge? He probably spends all his time playing video games. Stupid man, I mean right? He didn't even realize his girlfriend lost weight..check out the end of the commercial. "Babe-what are you doing", she asks. Annoyed.

(I FOUND THE COMMERCIAL)

Another great one.


Yup. Of COURSE ALL women think they are fat. Of COURSE all men are sensitive to this issue. Please. 110 calories seems like the standard for 3/4 cup-1 cup of dry cereal. What upsets me is that the man is portrayed as being "stupid" about all of it. The woman sits there, chomping on her Multi-Grain Cheerios, as the man digs himself in a bigger and bigger hole. Until FINALLY, he says, "Shut up Steve". Ick, he even spoke in third person. I did not think this commercial was funny or cute. It's annoying.

Still waiting for Sonic to come to the Detroit area, but until then:



Thinking a shake is hot....stupid man.



It's great when adults play "clueless" with their kids. I did it all the time when I babysat this one family. The kids would hide when I came over and I would always say.."Hmmmm, where could Andrea be?". Is she under the table? Noooooooooo. Is she in the broom closet? Noooooooooo. Andrea?! Where are you?" I knew damn well she was always in the laundry room, hiding behind baskets of clothes. But you humor them. In the commercial below, stupid Dad is not "playing clueless". He IS clueless. Stupid Dad.





The next video I think I take the most offense to. Not only was my Dad a "Mr. Mom" (he cooked, cleaned, ironed my clothes, and even did my hair when I was really young). He was also the BEST night-before-the-project-was-due-come-to-your-rescue-kind-of-guy. I cannot tell you HOW many projects he helped me start and complete the night before. FAR from clueless.

Do I need to say more? I mean, right?

It's Not Delivery...It's Just A Supid Man

You got to love when grown men act like little kids. Eating in front of the television, dragging mud into the house, lying to their mothers...oh wait, that's the guy's wife? Yup, Stupid Men are at it again. Sports-crazed, couch potato, pizza eating creatures of habit. Everything is going according to plan until the wife (who acts more like her husband's mother) busts them! "Larry! (sigh) We just had the carpets cleaned", cried the wife. "Baby, it was the pizza guy", replied the Stupid Man. Ah, but the Stupid Man was clever-trying to fool his wife into thinking the (DiGiorno Pizza) was delivery! "Bread sticks?", the wife asked.."I guess there was a pizza guy", she concluded.

The Stupid Man and his Stupid Man friends all chuckled. They fooled her! Oh wait, no. She found the box-it was DiGiorno! Stupid Man left it on the counter.

Take away from this commercial: Men love pizza. Men lie to their wives. Men are not detailed oriented. Men are stupid.

Stupid Dad Can't Wait For Dumbo!

There is nothing that brings the family unit together like weddings, funerals, and family vacations. In this commercial, Stupid Dad cannot wait to experience the thrill of theme park rides (ironically enough, Flying Dumbo). He is so excited, that he cannot even wait for his wife to pull up the Mobile Magic app on Verizon. It's still unclear as to what the Mobile Magic app/service/page provides? Maybe it tracks Minnie Mouse or provides estimated wait time for lines at select attractions. Who the hell cares, Dad needs to be the FIRST on the rides! Why? Because Stupid Dad is selfish, immature, and impatient. Even his daughter asks, "Where's Dad going?"




Traditionally Dads are the ones that know best when it comes to matters of direction. I think back to the countless family trips my family took (before the days of GPS). My dad drove 90% of the way, especially through mountain chains, major cities, and at night. This was not an easy task-either my sister or I would be kicking his seat, my Mom would be bitching about how fast he was going, that he didn't use his turn signal, how close he was to the 18-wheeler next to us, and that it has been 53 minutes since we last stopped to use the bathroom. Dad always came through! That detour in downtown Atlanta off 75 South-no problem. Finding a fairly affordable hotel (that did not charge by the hour) in the hills of Virgina at 1am-he's on it! Dads just seem to have the natural ability to always know where to go. They can read maps easily, though rarely need to reference them, and always seem to take pride in saying, "We're almost there, kids!' He got us there-Dad.

I understand that gender roles within the "modern" family unit have shifted a bit. It's not uncommon to have a Dad that cooks dinner every night or does his own laundry. Mothers can kick a soccer ball outside with the kids and it doesn't seem weird. Did Verizon Wireless feel the need to deliberately showcase a Dad that has gone astray? The Mom, resourceful enough to use the Magic Mobile application, acts as the modern day Magellan. Clearly, Verizon portrayed the Dad as being childish, selfish, and independent. The kids are the ones that calmly stayed with Mom, as Dad ran off to ride Dumbo, alone. Stupid Dad, can't you wait for your family?

Thanks Verizon Wireless. Thanks for trying to "level the family vacation playing field" by making Mom the "smart, organized, and resourceful one". Thanks for showing a Dad that acts like he's 5 and the reaction of his family as they roll their disappointed eyes at him. (sigh) Oh, Dad.